Hagioscope

Friday, August 03, 2007

apply yourself

Hey, creative writers! I'm applying for a contract/freelance proofreading job and received a 16-page application to fill out. 16 pages! Methinks some HR wonk needs to get the hell OVER him/herself.

Wanna help me? The application questions appear below. If you've got a minute, answer a few. I appreciate all the help — and cheap entertainment — I can get. Thanks!

UPDATE: As of 3:30, Mother Media and JA have turned in absolutely HILARIOUS riffs on "branding" (think cowboy thoughts) and "packaging" (think impure thoughts) respectively.

The Ginormous Application!


Please answer each of the following questions as concisely as possible. In other words, provide your most complete answer in the fewest number of words:



1. What is your philosophy on branding? How did you arrive at this position?


2. What “sells” brand strategy?


3. What is your philosophy on package design? How did you arrive at this position?


4. What “sells” package design?


5. How would you describe your personal work style? How does it differ from that of others?


6. How are you qualified for this job and how does your experience qualify you for this job?


7. What makes you more qualified than the other candidates?


8. What are some aspects of your experiences that specifically apply to this position?




9. Provide a specific example of a time you handled a very difficult, angry or unreasonable client.



10. Provide an example of a time you identified a need to learn something new (QC related) and took it upon yourself to do so.



11. What relationships have you developed in your proofreading position with clients, and professional channels that will help you develop new business in this position?



12. How would your customers describe you and your work style?



13. What would your customers say is the reason they requested proofing services from you versus someone else?



14. Please describe some of the important aspects in proofreading a package design.



15. What situation in your prior experience would demonstrate the level of confidence that you have in yourself?



16. What is the greatest risk you’ve taken that resulted in failure?



17. What is the greatest risk you’ve taken that resulted in success?



18. Why did you leave your last job or why do you want to leave your current job?



19. What is the primary reason you would like to have this position at this particular company?



20. What do you think you will like least about this position?



21. What do you think you will like most about this position?



22. What is your greatest strength?



23. What is your greatest weakness?



24. What trade publications do you read?



25. Describe the best day you remember having on the job.




26. Why do you believe you are the best candidate for this position?



27. What would your existing (or previous) peer group of employees say is the single area that you could improve in the most?



28. What did you love about your last job?



29. What did you dislike about your last job?



30. What did you like most about your favorite manager?



31. What did you like least about your least favorite manager?



32. What will past supervisors say are your strengths?



33. What will past supervisors say are your growth areas?



34. How confident are you that you can successfully perform the duties of this position and why?


35. Tell us about a situation that would demonstrate the level of confidence that you have in yourself.


36. Tell us about a situation that would demonstrate the level of expertise related to this position.

37. Tell us about a situation that would show the confidence your coworkers have in you.


38. Are you an implementer? Give us one example of what you have implemented in previous organizations.


39. Provide us with an example of your ability to work independently.


40. What experience have you had in pressure situations?


41. Tell us about a pressure situation you were in that would demonstrate your ability to work under pressure.


42. Provide us with an example of how you’ve asserted yourself in an emergency or high-pressure situation?

43. What are some constructive methods of dealing with stress?


44. Briefly describe the most significant responsibility you have had in your career and what it taught you?

45. How do you handle responsibility?

46. What training have you received that qualifies you for this job?


47. What have you done outside of formal education to improve yourself?


48. What training opportunities have you taken advantage of and why?


49. How does your current job qualify you for this position?


50. Describe a typical day at your present position.


51. What is the most difficult assignment you have had?


52. What steps have you taken to improve your job skills?



53. What significant contributions have you made to the operation of your work group?


54. How has your current position prepared you to take on greater responsibilities?


55. What steps have you taken in the past two years to improve your qualifications?


56. In the areas where your experience falls short for this job, what steps will you take to make up for this shortfall?


57. Recall an incident where you made a major mistake. What did you do after the mistake was made? What did you learn from this mistake?


58. What is the greatest failure you've had? What would you have done differently?



59. What action on the job are you the least proud of?


60. What questions would you like to ask about this position?


61. What questions would you like to ask about your future supervisor?


62. What questions would you like to ask about the company?


63. What compensation do you feel is fair and how should it be structured?


64. If you could create your own work day, what days of the week and what times of the day would you like to work that best fits into your life? And what is your most productive time of the day?


65. If you had a magic wand what would you do to earn a living?


84. Please fill in the following blanks:


1. Listen ____________________________________

2. Results _____________________________

3. Attention to ___________________________

4. Follow _______________________

5. Laser ______________________

6. Assume _____________________________

7. Agreements can be kept or ______________________________

8. When you don’t get the results you want do something _________________________

9. Where there’s commitment there’s no room for ____________________________

10. There are ______________________ possible answers to a simple question

11. Don’t make a decision based on a false _______________________________

12. EBITDA is an acronym for ______________________________________________


________________________________________________________________________

13. The Past is the Past and You Can Only Control the ___________________________

14. Plan _____________________________________

15. One successful sales strategy is based on understanding the Moving __________________

16. To close a sale you must have _____________________________________

17. Manage__________________ Manage_________________ Manage________________

18. USP is an acronym for ____________________________________________

19. Value your ______________

20. Test ___________Test

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6 Comments:

  • Wow! That's seriously fucked up. Whoever figured a proofread needed to fill this out should be fired.

    I would proofread the form, mark it up, and send it back. How's that for an application, assholes?

    By Blogger Aaron Friday, at 11:49 PM  

  • OMG! This position had better pay six figures if they're going to put someone through this application!

    Whatever!

    By Anonymous rev. nicole, at 11:32 AM  

  • Are they paying you your normal rate for the time it'll take you to get through this? This is worse than Media Headquarters with its "adaptability test" that forces editors to do algebra.

    OK, here are some suggestions on just a few questions:

    23. What is your greatest weakness?
    Chocolate.
    OR
    I really cant spel and dont know how to use prope'r punktuashun.


    24. What trade publications do you read?
    Porn Weekly
    Porn Digest
    Today's Porn

    By Blogger ethelred, at 7:54 AM  

  • There's a tribute to this post on my blog. Thanks to ethelred for the inspiration.

    By Blogger Aaron Friday, at 10:29 PM  

  • I checked out arron friday's answers... good stuff! I highly recommend sending the prospective employers the link to his glob. I especially love the part about proofing the Constitution! You have no idea!

    By Anonymous rev. nicole, at 7:38 PM  

  • Since you're a reverend, I was afraid you'd be offended.

    By Blogger Aaron Friday, at 9:03 PM  

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