Thursday, November 09, 2006

media rant du jour

Today I yap on about Lost and Heroes. And there will be spoilers. Oh yes. There will be spoilers.

Are you ready?

Last night’s Lost mini-finale, not to put too fine a point on it (say I’m the only bee in your bonnet), bit the wax tadpole. Chomped down hard. Backed up and started to sprint, in fact, in preparation for jumping a Dharma-tattooed shark. Here’s how:

  • Kate, in her flashback, loved and left a guy. Um, DUH? That fact that she ditched Nathan Fillion, aka Captain Tightpants, just confirms my suspicion that for a smart girl, she’s a flaming idiot.
  • Just in case you didn’t catch on to the fact that Action Kate is a fish out of water in a wifely role, she was WEARING AN APRON, which as everyone knows is a sure sign of domestication. It could only be a matter of time before she cast off that bond of servitude to return to her carefree, liberated life . . . of running from a federal marshal whose scrutiny influenced her every move. Ooh, the irony, right?
  • Kate used Sawyer for some hot, grimy, closed-circuit-videoed jungle lovin’. Again, um, DUH? That’s been coming since the first time he called her Freckles. And she wouldn’t say she loved him? Once more with the DUH. Sawyer always wants what he doesn’t or can’t have. By implying that he doesn’t have her completely, she’s manipulated him the rest of the way into her back pocket. She thinks.
  • Sawyer, after one night with Super Kate, appeared ready to kneel and be killed, suggesting that his spirit has, at long last, after weeks of gratuitous beatings, been broken. His defeat got Kate all riled, so now she’s the rest of the way in his thrall, right? Please tell me he doesn’t truly believe it, that wily James Ford has one more trick up his tattered sleeve.
  • Jack pulled a House and decided to pervert his Hippocratic oath for personal gain. Did anybody NOT see him being a selfish enough asshole to do this? Or at least to manipulate people into believing he did this?
  • Just before the operation, Benry casually revealed a connection to the elusive Alex. Hint: We’re supposed to be curious enough about that to tune back in come February.
  • As they scrubbed up for surgery, Juliet murmured something about being very good at following orders. Dude, you know she’s just trying to lure Jack into some hot, grimy, closed-circuit-vidoed lovin' in the fish tank. The Other side of the island(s) is really just one big porn studio.

Enough soap opera consummation and conflict already! I’m much more curious about what the rest of the crew is up to — solving the mystery of the island and all that. There is some real live supernatural stuff going down over there. The interesting people are over there: Hurley, Desmond, Locke, Rose and Bernard, Sun and Jin, Claire and Aaron. Time to turn our attention back to them.

I also watched episode 2 of Heroes last night. It was intriguing enough to make me want more. The story is shaping up nicely, what with the paranormal abilities and time travel and shadowy conspirators and looming nuclear disaster and all. And I really like a couple of the characters already, most notably Hiro.

I will say this, though: The casting director for this show clearly has a cast-one-get-one-free coupon at the Heroin Chic Boutique. I’m not shocked that the actual heroin addict character looks like a heroin addict, but must his girlfriend also look like she’s been strung out for years? Or the blonde femme fatale? Or the politician’s sad-eyed brother? I’m OK with the Indian geneticist; I think he’s just a slim guy who grew up on a non-American diet.

But the girl who lives next door? OH MY GOD, she looks like an ALIEN with a HUGE, BULBOUS, WALLEYED HEAD perched on the BODY OF A MALNOURISHED CHILD. Seriously, that ain’t right. Her appearance goes way beyond “gamine” into “grotesque.” Disturbing. Distracting.

To be fair, though, there are plenty of healthy-looking women and men in the show as well — including the cheerleader, who looks buff rather than Buffy. There’s a strong female cop, plus a beefy (but not sitcom fat/dumb) male cop, the totally ripped politician, and pudgy Hiro. Lots to like. Lots to like.

Summary: More Heroes, less Sexual Fantasy Island.

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