If I were . . .

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If I were a month, I would be: October
If I were a day of the week, I would be: Sunday
If I were a time of day, I would be: 7:00 p.m.
If I were a planet, I would be: Mars
If I were a sea animal, I would be: a dolphin
If I were a direction, I would be: up
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: a comfy chair with armrests and a footstool
If I were a sin, I would be: gluttony
If I were a historical figure I would be: Ride. Sally Ride.
If I were a liquid, I would be: mercury
If I were a stone, I would be: sapphire
If I were a tree, I would be: a sequoia
If I were a bird, I would be: a hawk
If I were a tool, I would be: the lever
If I were a flower, I would be: lilac blossom
If I were a type of weather, I would be: 70 degrees F & sunny, with a light breeze from the southwest
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a phoenix
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: the oboe
If I were an animal, I would be: a jaguar
If I were a colour, I would be: indigo
If I were an emotion, I would be: amusement
If I were a vegetable, I would be: a Republican
If I were a sound, I would be: one hand clapping, or else laughter
If I were an element, I would be: water
If I were a song, I would be: “Closer to Fine”
If I were a movie, I would be: Real Genius
If I were a book, I would be written by: the love child of Jane Austen & David Sedaris
If I were a food, I would be: pizza
If I were a place, I would be: a mountain lake
If I were a taste, I would be: savory
If I were a scent, I would be: lilac or jasmine
If I were a religion, I would be: surprised
If I were a word, I would be: unintelligibly
If I were a body part, I would be: hands
If I were a facial expression, I would be: Spock arching an eyebrow and saying, “Fascinating.”
If I were a subject in school, I would be: English 101
If I were a cartoon character, I would be: Lisa Simpson
If I were a shape, I would be: a circle
If I were a number, I would be: 13
If I were an item of clothing, I would be: the soft, frayed, holey t-shirt you’ve had for 15 years
If I were a piece of jewelry, I would be: a platinum ring set with sapphires
If I were a clothing accessory, I would be: a black belt