Hagioscope

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Meet Rob

Julie & I went to the Dubliner for a beer after class tonight. This guy Rob was there for a boys' night out on the eve of his brother's wedding. As the best man, he had orchestrated the party. He invited us along in the limo, a tacky white stretch summoned with his cell phone. Quite the impressario. We declined. He offered the couple at the end of the bar a ride, too. They also declined.

Rob offered the guy next to us, who was wearing a 40s reporter-style fedora and sketching in a notebook, $200 to draw his group's portrait. Fedora Man refused the commission. Later, however, inspired by Rob, Fedora roughed out a Far Side-like cartoon in which a man stares blearily into the guts of a toaster, screwdriver in hand. The caption is something like, "He had a lot of patience, but the toaster eventually got the best of him." The artist shared this with Julie and me and earned himself two hearty glass-clinkings.

The rest of the guys with Rob never so much as looked our way.

Rob made sure to tell us he was from Sioux Falls, SD, and 50 years old. He offered to moon my camera, but I talked him into a pretty smile instead. (You can thank me later.) When it came time to leave, he hugged Julie and me and planted a kiss on each of our foreheads. Fedora got a handshake.

As soon as the door closed behind Rob and his posse, we learned that Joshua the bartender had been serving them shots of ouzo and Sambuca, plus various beers, for at least an hour. Joshua was glad to see the back of them because he figured it was about time for them to start feeling nauseated from all the booze. He preferred that this happen in the limo rather than in the bar.

Well, that was enough excitement for me for one evening. I came home.

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4 Comments:

  • When I saw the photo I thought it was a 70-year-old woman with short hair.

    By Blogger Ethelred, at 7:30 AM  

  • A 70-year-old woman with short hair ... and quite a moustache! Why is it that South Dakotans always feel the need to tell you they are from South Dakota within 30 seconds of your first encounter with them?

    Oh yeah, and I'm from South Dakota.

    By Anonymous Kerner, at 8:53 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Jugglernaut, at 10:44 AM  

  • Too bad you can't see Rob's manly gold neck chain or silver-tipped shitkickers in this photo. They're not nearly as cool as my boots.

    And . . . I'm from South Dakota.

    By Blogger Jugglernaut, at 10:45 AM  

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