Hagioscope

Saturday, February 18, 2006

mature audiences only

Great. Now in addition to the herbal V1@gr@ spam and offers from Christian loan agencies, I'm getting invitations from "mature dating" websites. What, exactly, is "mature dating"? I'm afraid to click and find out, so I can only speculate.

Does "mature" refer to emotional or physical age? If it's emotional, I might actually check out the site, because God knows an emotionally mature date would be the final frontier for me. The last emotionally mature man I dated was Stuart, a high school boyfriend — and of course I failed to fall in love with him, and now he's married to a fine woman I knew at the college we all went to. High school, if you're wondering, ended half my lifetime ago. That's a long damn time to wait to date grown-ups.

If "mature" refers to physical age, I don't know whether to feel insulted or resigned. I am, after all, twice as old as I was when I graduated from high school. That means the men in my age group are mostly paunchy, balding, and married with kids. This leaves single 30-something women like me to wait until the starter wives start dying off, or at least running off with their pool boys. I might even settle for a pool boy myself if he didn't have hair on his back or in his ears.

I think I'll give the mature dating site a miss for now. I wouldn't know what to do with a mature date if I tripped over him.

Besides, what man would want to date me? I'm smart, funny, educated, employed, solvent, not hideous, not crazy (I don't think), and not obese. I have great teeth. I own my house. I understand the rules of football. I'm involved in artistic endeavors that provide me a social outlet, I give good massage, and I don't even talk to my cats that much.

Bloody awful. Guess it's time for a reunion with my longtime boyfriends, Ben & Jerry.

2 Comments:

  • Uh-oh, commune with Ben and Jerry too much and that "not obese" part will be no longer true! I don't know anything about those dating sites, but I suspect mature means anyone over the age of 50 - which is probablt too old for you. Good luck!

    Michele sent me.

    By Blogger kenju, at 6:40 AM  

  • Hang in there, girl....I remember what it was like to be in your shoes. Have you considered dating younger men? I married one...you know after you hit thirty the age thing ain't that big a deal. Besides, younger men have less chances of already being screwed up by previous relationship weirdness. I didn't marry till I was 34 and I married a man 9 years younger :-) We've been married 10 years now and its great! He doesn't care that I talk to my cats, either....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:53 PM  

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